A selection of jokes for April 1st April Fool's Day/Collage by Radio MAXIMUM
April 1st is traditionally celebrated April Fools' Day. This day is typical for joking, teasing friends and having fun. And since it is extremely important to joke and smile now, we offer a selection of jokes.
For your attention, a selection of jokes until April 1, which can cheer you up on April Fool's Day. Haida, together with Radio MAXIMUM, smile and share positive emotions with others!
Jokes for April Fools' Day
- Jokes about spring
- Jokes about mother-in-law and son-in-law
- Jokes about school
- Jokes about relationships
- Jokes about work
Anecdotes about spring
A conversation between two friends:
– Spring is coming soon, so I opened my closet and tried on everything that my butt got into…
– Well, how?
– Shoes are great!
***
Autumn, +13 degrees: “Where are the coat, boots, scarf, sweater, tights, hat?”
Spring, +13 degrees: “Great, I'll go in shorts!”
** *
Spring! It became warmer. There are two types of originals on the street: the first are still walking in down jackets, and the second are already in T-shirts and shorts.
***
Spring. Passengers in the subway have already become more compact than two months ago, but not yet as smelly as two months ahead…
***
In winter, you wait for spring to come, and in the spring – when winter will finally pass.
***
So, it was not possible to lose weight before spring. I'll feed my friends, I'll play on the contrast.
***
Tomorrow's weather: Sometimes rain showers and light rain inside a big rain shower.
***
The weather changes so quickly that in the corridor there are: winter boots, rubber boots and sandals – in one row.
***
< h2>Jokes about mother-in-law and son-in-law
At 3 o'clock in the morning, a man calls his neighbor from above, full of tears:
– Is it you, little pigeon, playing the piano so wonderfully and loudly?
– Yes … I'm sorry, but … I have an important concert tomorrow, I'm rehearsing …
– It's Mozart, right?
– Well, yes…
– I'm very grateful to you!< br>– Are you crying from happiness? Were you so moved by the classics?
– Oh yes! And the mother-in-law hanged herself!
***
I found an unusual contact in the mother-in-law's phone: “Vegetable”. Called Turns out.
***
Call to the director of the TV channel:
– A big request! Please turn off this damn news bar from the bottom of the screen!
– What is this?
– Mother-in-law thinks it's karaoke!
***
Man bought a dacha, shares impressions with a friend: house, garden, lawn, swimming pool, there are even beehives.
Friend:
– Why do you need bees? Isn't it easier to buy honey?
– I don't know about honey, but my mother-in-law has already been bitten 7 times!
***
The man tells his friend:
– Can you imagine, yesterday my mother-in-law and I were walking in the park, suddenly hooligans came running out from behind the bushes and let's beat her up!
– And what about you? intervened?
– Well, it’s kind of a shame – three to one…
***
The son asks his father:
– And how does the snake talk?
The father, looking at the mother-in-law:
– Well, why are you silent? The grandson is interested!
***
A hungry man comes home late at night and sneaks into the kitchen without turning on the light. He opens the refrigerator, and there is a note:
“I gave your dinner to the enemy!”
“My God, did the mother-in-law come…”, the man thought sadly.
***
An elderly woman calls the fire department:
– Hello, please help! There is a fire in my house, the address is so-and-so!
– Oh, Klavdia Petrovna! Your son-in-law is on the line. Still want to “Die off to see my dick?”
Anecdotes about school
The son does not study well and repeats everything that the teacher clings to him. Finally, father and son went to school. The father asks the teacher:
– Why are you clinging to my son?
– Clinging? But he doesn't know anything. So, look: how much will be three times seven?
– See, dad? He starts again.
***
You always remember school with a shudder, not with laughter. And yet you have to force yourself to joke, especially on September 1.
***
The father asks his son:
– Well, how are you doing at school?< - Great! The contract with the fifth grade has been extended for another year!
***
– Children, draw a square with a side of ten centimeters!
– Marivanna, what is this a square like this – with one side?!
***
Vovochka carefully looks at the teacher's manicure and says:
– Olga Oleksandrivna, you have such long nails.
– Yes. Do you like it?
– I like it. It must be good to climb trees.
***
The school security guard had a twin brother. He sometimes replaced him in the evening, while the real guard went to get beer. Every time, we children were surprised how our watchman managed to change into civilian clothes so quickly and shave off his mustache, which grew back the next day.
***
Vovochka is standing near the board. The teacher explains to him:
– “Fallen” and “hanging” are verbs.
– Why?
– They mean an action.
– But what is this action, if it fell and hangs ?
***
The grandmother and granddaughter played school for two weeks. And only by the end of the second week did the grandmother find out that he was doing homework for her.
***
Teacher to the student:
– Your essay about milk has only ten lines, while your friends wrote two pages each.
– Yes, but I wrote about condensed milk…
***
The shortest school work on the topic “Visiting Grandma” was: “We came to grandma, but she didn't open for us.”
***
– Hello! Three o'clock at night! Who are you?
– This is your student's father, Olena Vasylivna! Are you sleeping?
– Of course!
– And we are sawing chestnuts, piercing acorns – preparing a product for the “Farewell, Autumn” competition…
***
Teacher:< /p>
– And now I will prove the Pythagorean theorem to you.
The girl from the back desk:
– Is it worth it? We take your word for it.
***
– Mom, I want to become a builder!
– No, son, go to school – you will be an astronaut.
***
– Mom! The teacher ordered us to draw what we want to be. I didn't do anything because I don't know how to draw it. I want to get married.
***
Times have come when in schools, in computer science classes, teachers learn from high school students absolutely free of charge.
***
– Boy, are you a schoolboy?
– No, uncle, I'm a sadist, I go to kindergarten!
***
Films for schoolchildren: “Sit down” and “Sit down, two”.
< h2>Men, Women and Relationship Jokes
Today I tried to get my girlfriend back again. But since she moved in with me, her parents stopped answering their calls.
***
A girl with big breasts got into a fight with me last night. She entered the elevator with me, and I involuntarily looked at her breasts.
She suddenly asked:
– Young man, maybe you will finally push?
And then something went wrong …
***
The girls read the fairy tale “Cinderella” very carelessly. They read only to the phrase “Cinderella married the prince.” And they throw it. And then it says “THE END OF THE FAIRY TALE”.
***
And who came up with it, what is difficult with women? He came up, hugged me, said that she was beautiful, smart … If nothing comes to mind at all, ask: “I didn't understand, did you lose weight or what?”
***
Fought boredom. She went to the Facebook page of an unknown man and wrote under his photo: “You don't love me…”. Today, two hundred of his friends, led by his wife, visited my page. Peasant! If you are still alive – forgive me …
***
– Vasya, I am pregnant from you.
– How? We didn't even sleep?
– I'm in shock!!!
***
An Australian farmer came to the pond and saw that naked girls were swimming in it. Seeing him, they shouted:
– Get out of here, we won't get out of the water until you leave!
Farmer (indifferently):
– But I need you for a hundred years. I just wanted to feed my crocodile.
***
The wife complains to her husband:
– Why is everything always not the way I want it?
– And what do you want?
– Well, I don't know…
***
– I'm dating two men and I don't know who to choose…
– And what do you want the heart prompts?
– The heart prompts – do not suffer stupidly, the man will find out – he will kill!
***
– Tell me, why did you get married so late?
– Well, you know, before I dared to take such a serious step, I wanted to have a reliable and permanent income.
– And you have it now?
– Yes, I receive an old-age pension.
***
– Good afternoon, I need anti-depressants.
– Do you have a prescription?
– And what, certificates isn't it enough about marriage?
***
– Son, remember, I am the head of the family.
– Dad, does mom know about this?
– T-s-s, mom doesn’t say a word!
***
– Dad, I'm afraid that no one will marry me.
– Don't worry. You will take a potion from your mother, sprinkle it on someone and choke it.
– And she has such a potion!?
– She must have. Because no matter how much I look at her, I don't see any other reason why I married her.
***
Today I told my husband that, in addition to being a woman, I want to become his my best friend.
After that, he took out a bottle of vodka, two glasses, poured it and started telling me how I got him.
***
In the restaurant:
– Ma'am, why did your husband crawl under the table?
– It's not my husband, my husband is standing at the door!
***
Finding a child in cabbage today is a common thing !
– But finding cabbage for a child is already a problem!
***
After the operation:
– Who are you are you sick?
– Creditor…
***
At the wedding guests get to know each other:
– Girl, are you from the bride or groom’s side?
– I am the groom's unofficial girlfriend.
***
He caught a crucian carp, stuffed a gold chain with a pendant into it. I brought it home… Since then, I haven't asked to go fishing, my wife kicks me out!
***
The husband says to his wife in the evening:
– Dear, let's play role-playing games?< br> – How is it?
– Well, you are like Little Red Riding Hood, and I am an experienced wolf!
– Come on!
– Then go, bake some pies!
***
p>
Now I got married… Now you can't smoke, you can't drink, you can't look at strange women.
– Don't you regret?
– You can't regret either…
< p>***
– Honey, would you like some coffee?
– I will!
– At the same time, do it for me!
***
– Peter, why don't you take me anywhere?
– I will.
– And where is it?! Not to the movies, not to parties, not to a coffee shop…
– Marusya, you are always in my heart.
***
– Dear, will you cook me until death do us part?
– Honey, if I cook, death will do us part very soon.
***
– I burned 800 last night kilocalories.
– Oh, Marusya, I want too, dictate – I'll write it down!
– What to record? I put the chicken in the oven and forgot!
Anecdotes about work
The rule of good tone at a corporate party: when sliding under the table, don't forget to say goodbye to your colleagues politely.
***
According to my colleague's personal diary, he thinks I'm spying on him.
***
One man brags to his friend:
p>
– Guess what, I was so brave yesterday. He came to the chief's office and pounded his fist on the table.
– So what?
– He did it in good time: tomorrow he returns from a business trip.
***
Corporate success is when you come to work to the whistles and applause of your colleagues…
***
– I must say that you are an irreplaceable employee!
– In what sense?< br> – When we release you, there will be no need to replace you.
***
Corporate culture is when you think: “You can go crazy, what a fool, when will you finally be fired,” and you say out loud: “My colleague and I disagree on some issues.”
***
A colleague has a teenage daughter and a first-grader son. He says they both ask: “Mom, when will you be back?” Only the younger one is afraid that the mother will be late, and the older one is afraid that she will come earlier.
***
– Sanya, where are you? The boss has been looking for you for an hour.
– Tell the boss that a good employee is hard to find.
***
Hogmanay. A guy with appendicitis is screaming in pain on the operating table. The chimes ring, the surgeon puts on a gauze mask: – Well, colleagues, Happy New Year, I ask everyone to the table!
***
I once noticed that a colleague (a man pre-retirement age) wears two watches. One on the left hand, the other on the right. When asked what it is and why, he answered: “I like this one. And this one works.”
***
If you are considered a young, promising employee, then you perform a greater amount of work for a much lower fee.
***
The worker is sitting at the desk and sleeping. He has slippers on his feet. The cleaner asks him:
– Why?
He answers:
– The main thing is to come to work on time, and the rest does not matter.
< p>***
– Tell us about the positive aspects
of your job.
– Well, you can always quit.
