Taken from real life. “I'll change him to suit me”: Daughter assures, but doesn't understand that it won't work with a 30-year-old

The daughter lives in some stupid hope that she will be able to change her husband to suit her and they will live happily ever after.

She does not take into account that this is not a seventeen-year-old boy who can somehow be adapted to her, at that age people are still flexible, and a thirty-year-old man is used to living the way he wants and is unlikely to change. It can pretend to be, but only for a moment.

My daughter Beata is twenty-five years old. She is beautiful, smart, has her own job and lives separately from us. She has been very ambitious and independent since childhood. I have always felt relatively calm about my daughter, I knew she would not die.

She is used to setting goals and achieving them. From the first year of studies she knew where she wanted to work. She had an impressive choice, a company with a name and reputation, it is very difficult to get there off the street, and she had no connections or connections at that level.

From the first year of studies she worked for results. In the third year she managed to get a two-year unpaid internship, thanks to which she was noticed and remembered. When she started talking more and more about Mirek, I was very happy until I met him in person.

I even thought my daughter was playing a trick on me, because the man she brought to the meeting didn't look like someone who could interest my daughter in anything. The guy is thirty-one years old. He looks like he's going to go bald soon, he already has a little belly, and his whole appearance is somehow neglected.

He doesn't stink, he's wearing clean clothes, but he still makes an unpleasant impression. What surprised me the most was his approach to life. The guy is thirty-one and doesn't want anything anymore, or still doesn't, I don't know. He has a place to live — a one-room apartment, which I don't even want to think about.

He works at some cultural institution funded by the state, something related to computers. As you can guess from the word “funded by the state”, the salary there is very modest. I asked him why he didn't change jobs, because if he understands computers, he has a chance to earn more, it's a promising field.

-But you have to learn all the time, they demand a lot, and I don't need much, so why bother?

That's a great answer – I don't want to learn, I'm ready to continue to receive little, just do nothing. The worst thing was that my daughter looked at her object of adoration with such adoration, as if some god had descended from heaven to earth. I asked Beata later what she saw in him. My daughter said that he was nice and gentle. I explained to her that he wasn't nice, that he was just a slacker who was too lazy to do anything, including getting angry, because that took effort.

I didn't know what other arguments I could give my daughter to open her eyes, but Beata stuck to her guns, saying that he was lazy now, but she would take him and change him to suit her. “He'll change jobs with me, sort things out, we'll have a perfect family,” my daughter rolls her eyes dreamily.

Daughter, of course, on the contrary, in the period of bouquets, dates and candy men live their lives and try to demonstrate their best qualities, but this one doesn't even try now. And if he tries and this is the best he has, then the situation is terrible. And generally, changing adults is a thankless task, because it usually ends in failure.

These are not children who can still be shaped into something, but individuals who have already been shaped. I don't know how to discourage my daughter from him. My friends tell me not to get involved, saying that she will get into trouble herself, get burned, become wiser, and understand that you can't change a person. It's true, but how long will she keep trying to convince me of that? A year, three or five? I don't want her to waste her youth on a guy like that, but my daughter doesn't listen to me and keeps saying: “Mom, don't interfere.”

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