Real life. “Your child is your problem”: My mother-in-law once said

My mother-in-law is going crazy, calling down all the punishments of heaven on us.

What if we answered her with the same words she said to us nine years ago? The situation has simply changed. We needed her help then, and now she needs ours. But how she reacts is her business…

My mother-in-law led an intense life. She had another son, my Piotr's younger brother, and a husband, my husband was his stepson. In general, the woman had her own life, she didn't have the time or desire to poke her nose into ours.

She didn't work, she took care of her family, herself and the house, and her husband's income allowed her to do so. My husband and I got married when he was twenty-six and I was twenty-three. It was good to have a roof over our heads and not have to solve the housing problem right away. My husband was lucky with his job. Although it's hard to call it luck. Somehow he got an internship at this company, he was able to prove himself, he did his internship there for free until the end of his studies, and after graduation he was offered a permanent position with a good salary.

Yesterday's graduates rarely have this to boast about. As for my career, everything was much more modest, so when I found out I was pregnant some time after the wedding, I was happy. My husband and I were preparing for the birth of a child, as were the parents on both sides. There was no indication that anything could go wrong. But in the ninth month, I went into labor, and it was intense. So instead of giving birth naturally, I decided to have a cesarean section.

Everything ended well, but due to the fact that the cesarean section was early and in the context of my illness, some problems arose. My daughter was very restless, she cried a lot, she wouldn't let me have a moment's peace and ate very poorly, and after the surgery and the illness I could barely drag my feet.

My husband took two weeks off, he took care of almost everything, but two weeks didn't help much, I could barely drag my feet any longer. My parents couldn't help either. My grandmother was so worried about me when it all started that she had a stroke and was barely saved. She survived, but she couldn't move and required constant care.

My mother was torn, but I sent her to live with my grandmother. I could have done without my mother, but my grandmother definitely wouldn't have done without her. The question arises, where was my mother-in-law at that time? My mother-in-law was at home with her ten-year-old son. She didn't think it was necessary to leave him to help me. When my husband asked her directly to come at least three times a week and help me for at least the first few months, my mother-in-law told us, “Your child is your problem. You thought that once you gave birth, everything would be like a fairy tale? I don't burden you with my child, and you don't burden me with yours!”

I still remember every word she said back then. My husband and I are smart, so she didn't have to repeat it twice. From then on, our communication was limited to formalities. She asked about her granddaughter once a month, and we called every holiday. That was all our communication.

My husband thought we were too polite and not mean. In reality, we turned out to be very vindictive. A lot has changed in nine years. Our daughter has dealt with all the problems from her childhood, my husband is pursuing a career, and I also work. We are doing well, saving up for a new car.

My mother-in-law's situation is not so rosy. Her husband died, and she had to go to work, although she inherited two apartments and successfully rents them out. Her younger son went to paid studies, so now her mother-in-law has to work to pay for his education. It is expensive, and it is precisely because of her younger son and his studies that she turned to us for help.

The boy managed to fail the exam and now he is facing expulsion from the university, which the mother-in-law is very afraid of. So she decided that the issue of his expulsion can be solved, but it will cost a lot of money, which she did not have, and the matter was urgent.

She came to us with this question. Her husband immediately refused. The mother-in-law was indignant, saying that we are family, he is his own brother, how can he act so coldly. Then my husband replied to her in his own words: “Your child, your problems”. We are not inhuman, turning away from our relatives in need. But this is not a difficult moment, so we are not ashamed at all.

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