Real-life. “We help our mother-in-law more and visit her more often, and our relationship has warmed up”: My mother is offended, but it's her fault

My mother didn't like the idea of ​​my marriage right away.

At the time I didn't understand what was wrong. My mother said it was too early and the groom wasn't good, you could find a better one. It wasn't until a few years later that I realized my mother wasn't happy about me leaving home for completely different reasons. Before I got married, I lived with her and my younger sister. My sister was still in school, and I was already working.

I paid half the rent, looked after the house, and occasionally tutored my sister. And when I got married and moved out, my mother had to do it all herself. Of course, she didn't like it. When I met my fiancé, my mother didn't even try to look hospitable. She sat there with a disgruntled expression on her face, asked awkward questions, and generally behaved badly.

My younger sister behaved much better, which is a good indicator when you count it that way. “What can I do if I don't like him,” my mother threw up her hands later. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, welcomed me as a member of the family. I am not a very sociable person in general, I am shy and confused around new people, but this woman managed to draw me in from the first words.

After the wedding, we moved into an apartment that used to belong to my husband's grandmother. It hadn't been renovated for a long time, and the apartment had been rented for a long time. Hiring a team was too expensive for us, so we decided to do the renovation ourselves. Our friends, mother-in-law, and even my younger sister came to help with washing windows, doors, and floors. Only my mother ignored this event, saying that there were enough helpers there without her. Although there would be enough work for everyone.

When my child was born, my mother-in-law always came to help me. I didn't even have to ask her, she just came, knowing that it was hard for me with a child and a husband who worked around the clock. My mother knew about it too, but she always found excuses. The weather wasn't cooperating, or my sister couldn't stay home alone. It's true, a fourteen-year-old can't spend the evening alone at home, you have to keep an eye on her. “I didn't take help from anyone and I managed. If you had twins, it would be a different story,” my mother explained.

While my mother-in-law always tries to defuse conflicts and avoid heated confrontations, my mother does the opposite. If she knows that my husband and I have had a tense moment, she will definitely bring it up and add fuel to the fire. At some point, I realized that I don't want to tell her anything and I am very careful about choosing topics of conversation. What about her approach to gifts? ? Giving gifts to my mother-in-law is pure pleasure. She either tells me right away what she wants or says that she doesn't need anything and is happy with what you give her. Mom is not like that.

She refuses, says that she does not need gifts, and then, when she receives a gift chosen by us, she makes a dissatisfied face, mumbles “thank you” and sits all evening with an offended face. My husband's mother remembers all our important dates and does not forget to wish me and her granddaughter a happy birthday. My mother is above these conventions. She does not congratulate her son-in-law on principle, because she still does not like him, and forgets about the birthday of her only granddaughter.

Why relations with the mother-in-law are better than with one's own mother? Maybe because my mother-in-law is ready not only to receive, but also to give something in return, and it is more convenient to communicate with her.

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