Real-life. “My Sister-in-Law Is Interfering with My Children's Upbringing”: I Feel Like I'm Losing Control of Their Lives

Kinga, my brother's wife, has always had a reputation for being a “know-it-all”.

I've always thought I was a good mother. Loving, patient, the kind who tries to give her children the best. I'm raising two – thirteen-year-old Jakub and nine-year-old Zosia. Their father, my husband, works abroad and is only home a few times a year, so most of the responsibilities fall on my shoulders. It was tough at times, but I managed. At least until my sister-in-law started interfering in our lives.

Kinga, my brother's wife, always had a reputation as a “know-it-all.” She was always the first to offer advice, whether someone needed it or not. At first, it was just an annoying trait – something you could ignore. But when she started interfering in my children's upbringing, things got out of hand.

The first time I noticed something was wrong was when Kuba came back from her house after the weekend. “Aunt Kinga said I'm bad at studying because you probably can't help me with my homework,” he said casually, opening his math textbook. I froze. “What's that??” I asked, trying to hide my irritation. “I always help you when you need it.”

Kuba shrugged. “Auntie says you should sign me up for private lessons. She knows about these things.”

I was furious, but I ignored it. “Maybe it's just one sentence,– I thought. But with each passing week I noticed that Kinga was trying harder and harder to influence my children.

Zosia started coming back from her with new clothes and toys, which – as she said – Aunt Kinga considered better than the ones I had. Kuba started criticizing my decisions: “Auntie said you could try harder so we could have better dinners.”

I started to feel that Kinga was undermining every aspect of my motherhood. She organized meetings with the children without my knowledge, gave them gifts she didn’t mention, and even started suggesting that they could spend more time with her.

The worst moment came when Zosia told me directly: “Auntie says we should live with her because she knows how to take care of us better.” That sentence tore my heart apart. “Zosia, why do you say that? Do you think I don't care about you?” I asked with a trembling voice.

“I don't know” ” she replied, looking down. “Auntie says that if you loved me, you would sign me up for ballet.”

I was distraught. I realized that Kinga was not only interfering in my children's upbringing, but was also trying to convince them that I wasn't a good enough mother for them. I felt like I was losing control over their lives, how they were drifting away from me, listening more and more to “auntie who knows everything best.”

I gathered my courage and decided to talk to Kinga. We met at a café, where I got straight to the point. “Kinga, we need to talk about your influence on my children,” I said calmly, although I was seething with emotion inside.

“What do you mean?– she asked with feigned surprise.

– I mean that you question my decisions, criticize me in their presence, and try to win them over to your side,– I replied firmly. –They are my children, Kinga. I decide how to raise them.”

Kinga shrugged. –I just want to help them.‐ I don't think you have a reason to be mad about that.”

„That's not helping,– I replied, trying to stay calm. „That's interfering. Please stop questioning my authority. Children need to know that their mother knows what's best for them.”

I don't know if Kinga understood what I was trying to tell her. Our conversation ended on a cold note, and our relationship became even more tense.

Today I am still trying to regain control over my children's lives. I try to build closeness with them, explain that it is me who makes the decisions, not someone from the outside. But every day I fear that Kinga's influence will leave a mark that I will not be able to erase.

Sometimes I wonder if I was too lenient, allowing her to enter our lives so much. But I know one thing – no one, not even a family member, has the right to take away from a mother what is most important: her role in the lives of her own children.

See what else we have written about in recent days: From life. “My father transferred his entire estate to his second wife”: I feel like a stranger in his life