Real-life. “My kids want me to sell my apartment and move in with them”: But I want to be independent

This is where I raised my children, Ania and Krzyś.

I have been building my place on earth my whole life. The apartment I call home today may not have been luxurious, but each room in it carried memories.

This is where I raised my children, Ania and Krzyś. This is where I took my first steps as a single mother after my husband died. Every scratch on the wall, every creaking parquet floor had its own story.
Recently, I've been hearing more and more often from my children that I should sell the apartment.

– Mom, you don't have to live here alone anymore,– Ania says with concern in her voice. – You have a place with us. We'll sell this apartment, and the money will help us all.

Krzysiek adds his:

– Mom, this apartment needs renovation, and you don't have the strength to take care of it anymore. With us you will have comfort, peace.

I look at them, my adult children, who on the one hand want to help me, but on the other hand don't understand how important this place is to me. I try to explain to them that these are not just four walls, but a part of my life. But they look at me as if I were an old woman who can't make a rational decision.

– Mom, it's for your own good– Ania repeats. – Krzysiek and I will take care of you.

The words “we'll take care of you” make me feel like I'm not myself anymore. Like I'm someone who doesn't have the right to decide about my life. Do I really need care? Is it selfish to want to maintain independence?

One evening, when we're sitting together for dinner, I decide to tell them directly how I feel.

– Ania, Krzysiu, I appreciate that you want to help me– I begin, trying to keep my voice calm. – But this apartment is my haven. I don't want to sell it.

Ania sighs heavily.

– Mom, don't you see that this is the best solution for you? You're old, and we want you to have better conditions.

– But I have my life here! – I say with increasing emphasis. – This is where I experienced the most important moments. This is where I feel like myself.

Krzysiek interrupts impatiently.

– Mom, don't be stubborn. You don't need this apartment.

These words hurt me like a blow. How can I explain to them that this place is more than a “need”? That this is where I find peace, that this is where I can be myself? I feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I don't want them to see how much they hurt me.

After dinner, I go back to my apartment and can't fall asleep for a long time. In my head I hear their words, their arguments, but at the same time I feel like I have to fight for my independence. Is it selfishness that I want to live on my own terms? Or does my right to decide about my own life cease to exist because I have more wrinkles?

The next day I decide to talk to my friend Halina. She, like no one else, can understand me.

– Elka, it's your life, not theirs – she says firmly. – You have the right to decide where you want to live and how you want to live. Independence is not a luxury. It's your right.

Her words give me strength. In the evening I invite Ania and Krzysiek for a talk. We sit down at the table, and I begin.

– My dears, I know you want what's best for me. But you have to understand that this apartment is more than just a place. It's a part of me.

– Mom… – Ania begins, but I interrupt her.

– Please, listen to me. All my life I've taken care of you, made decisions with your well-being in mind. Now I want to do something for myself. I want to stay here.

Silence falls. I can see that there's surprise in their eyes, but also understanding. Finally, Anya sighs and says:

– Mom, if this is really what you want, we'll respect your decision.

I feel relieved that evening. I know this apartment may not be perfect, but it's mine. And as long as I have the strength, I will fight for my right to live on my own terms. Because independence is not a luxury – it's freedom that everyone deserves, regardless of age.

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