Real Life. “My Husband Says I've Neglected Myself in Old Age”: Is This Really What Love Looks Like

His words echoed, repeating in my head.

It was a regular evening. I was sitting in the living room, watching an old movie that always reminded me of my youth. The room smelled of tea, and a clock ticked quietly in the background. Suddenly my husband, Jan, came into the room and sat down on the couch next to me. He looked at me for a moment, and then said something that hurt me more than he could have ever imagined.

– You know, Ania, sometimes I think you’ve neglected yourself a little.

I froze. His words sounded like an echo, repeating in my head. „You’ve neglected yourself.” I looked at him, trying to understand what he meant.

– What do you mean? – I asked, feeling my voice tremble.

Jan shrugged.

– You know, you used to always do your hair, dress elegantly. Now&well, not so often.

I looked at him, trying to find an answer. Was he right? Maybe I really didn't do my hair as often as I used to. Maybe my clothes weren't so elegant anymore.

But does that mean I stopped trying? Did it really matter after all these years of marriage?

– Janie, is it really that important? – I asked quietly. – I thought love was more than looks.

– Of course it's important – he replied. – But taking care of yourself is also taking care of us.

Those words hurt me even more. Did he really not see all these years how I tried to take care of our home, our family? Did my efforts to be a good wife and mother really only come down to how I looked?

I couldn't sleep for a long time that night. I stared at the ceiling, analyzing every word he said. Had I really neglected myself? Or maybe he had stopped seeing what was really important? For years I thought that love was acceptance, care, building a life together. And now I felt like everything we did together had been reduced to superficiality.

The next day I decided to look at myself in the mirror. I looked at my gray hair, the wrinkles around my eyes, and the hands that had worked for years for our life together. I was no longer young, but those wrinkles were a testament to my life – joys, sorrows, hardships.

After a while, I took a deep breath and walked up to Jan.

– Jan, do you really think that love is just looks? – I asked.

He looked at me in surprise.

– No, Ania, it's not about that. But you know, sometimes I'd like to see in you that young girl I once knew.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

– Janie, that girl is still here. But there's also a woman who's lived her whole life with you. Who endured all the hardships, supported you when things were tough. Doesn't all that matter?

Jan lowered his gaze.

– You're right,– he said after a moment. – I'm sorry, Ania. I shouldn't have said that.

We talked for a long time that evening. I understood that Jan felt lost too. He was afraid of old age, of the changes that life brought. But he also understood that love is not about holding on to the illusion of youth, but about accepting what time brings.

You might also be interested in: Real-life. “My son disappointed me”: He cheated on his wife, and I don't know how to talk to him

See what else we've written about in recent days: Real-life. “I found out I was pregnant at 46”: Can I still be a good mother