Alicja was smart, ambitious and always dreamed of something more.
My daughter, Alicja, was the apple of my eye. From the day she was born, my whole life revolved around her. I was a single mother – her father left when she was only a few months old. It wasn’t easy, but I tried every day to be both a mother and a father to her. I worked two jobs so she would have everything she needed, and every smile from her was the greatest reward for me.
Alicja was bright, ambitious and always dreamed of something more. Even as a teenager, she said she wanted to see the world, learn about other cultures, and fulfill her dreams. “Mom, I'll go abroad someday,” she would say with a twinkle in her eye. And I always supported her. “Do what makes you happy,” I kept saying, even though deep down I knew her dreams would take her away from me one day.
When Alicja finished her studies, she was offered a job in London. She was thrilled. “Mom, this is my chance!” she said, jumping for joy. I was proud of her, but there was a hint of sadness hidden in that pride. I knew that now our lives would change.
For the first few months, she called every day. She talked about her new job, the people she had met, life in the big city. I felt that despite the distance, we were still close. But over time, her calls became less and less frequent. She started saying that she was busy, that she had a lot of work, that her life was full of new responsibilities.
One day, when I called to ask when she planned to visit home, she replied: „Mom, I don't have time right now. Maybe next year.”
“Next year?– I repeated, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. –Alice, we haven't seen each other in two years. Can you really not find a few days to come?”
”Mom, you don't understand– she replied irritably. –My life is here. I can't just drop everything and come. I have my responsibilities.”
The words were like a blow to the heart. Could it be that my child, who was once my whole world, now sees me only as a burden? I tried to convince myself that she was young, that she was building her own life, but every time I sat alone at the table during the holidays, I felt the emptiness in my heart grow larger.
What hurt me the most was that Alice seemed to be avoiding me. When I sent her messages, they often went unanswered. When I called, the conversations were short and perfunctory. “Mom, I have to go,” she would say before I could ask how she really felt.
One day I gathered my courage and wrote her a long letter. I told her everything – how much I missed her, how much her indifference hurt me, how abandoned I felt. I waited for an answer, but I never got one.
Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. Was I too demanding? Was I too controlling? Or maybe, paradoxically, I gave her too much freedom? Maybe my love, although sincere, was not enough?
Today my days pass in solitude. Every morning I look at my phone hoping it will ring, but it is silent. I still have pictures of her from childhood on my shelf – smiling, full of life, looking at me from the frame, as if to remind me who we once were to each other.
I don't know if I will ever regain my former bond with Alicja. Maybe one day she will understand how much the loneliness of a mother who gave everything for her child hurts. Or maybe it will be too late. But despite everything, I am still waiting. I'm waiting for the day when I hear on the phone: „Mom, I missed you. When can I visit you?”
Because even though a mother's heart may be broken, it never stops loving.
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