Real-Life. “If You Don't Want to Give Me Money, Don't Give Me Money, But Don't Lecture Me”: My Daughter Is Offended by My Attempts to Talk Reason into Her

After graduation, my daughter got a job. She lived with us then and didn't skimp on anything, Kasia had full board.

She squandered her money for the first week, and then came to us for money for travel, snacks, and other needs. We were furious, but we gave her the money because what else could we do?

A year ago, my daughter announced that she was getting married. She introduced us to her boyfriend, which was an honor in itself. He's a boy, the same age as my daughter. He also works, lives separately from his parents, and has an apartment from his grandmother. After we met, my daughter moved in with him. And again, “Mom, Dad, give me the money.”

The reason was that they were saving up for the wedding. That's what they said, but in reality, the groom's father paid for the entire wedding, which I found out later. I didn't like it, but it didn't concern us. If he wanted to pay for his son's wedding, he did. As we later found out, the son-in-law was quite spoiled by his father.

I decided to have a serious talk with her, because it was no longer a business matter. “Do you have a reason why you don't get paid every month? At the same time, you bought a new phone, an expensive robotic vacuum cleaner on installments, and your husband ordered something new for his computer. It's all money down the drain!” Kasia began to explain indignantly that these were well-thought-out purchases. She needed a new phone, because the old one had started to break down. Her son-in-law's computer is also a very necessary thing, and a robotic vacuum cleaner is irreplaceable, because it will soon be difficult for her to clean. Everything would be fine, but we gave her the phone a little over half a year ago, her son-in-law only plays with his toys on the computer at home, and they've already broken the robotic vacuum cleaner — son-in-law forgot about it and tripped over it, but promised to fix it soon.

For some reason my daughter felt offended by my arguments, she said they would figure out how to live on their own.

“If you don't want to give me money, then don't give it to me and don't teach me” she said to me, offended.

I won't. I'll tell my husband not to do it and I'll talk to the matchmakers. We'll help with food, buy everything for the child, but they definitely won't get more money from us.

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