Real-Life. “I Thought I'd Be Able to Tear My Husband Off His Mother's Skirt”: I Quickly Realized I Was Powerless Here

I have always considered myself a strong, independent and self-confident woman. When I met Sebastian, I thought he was the perfect man.

My future husband was very caring, intelligent and funny. The only thing that bothered me a bit was his strong attachment to his mother. He did all the important things with the consent of my future mother-in-law. At that time, I didn't attach much importance to this attachment and naively believed that with time, when we would start our own family, this dependency would go away.

Our wedding was wonderful, and our first few months together seemed like a fairy tale. But I soon began to notice that Sebastian was spending too much time with his mother. Every conversation they had proved that he was still clinging to his mother's skirt. “Mom said it would be better to wait a little longer to buy a car,” “Mom wants us to invite all our relatives to my birthday,” “Mom advised me to think about children,” “Mom says we should go on vacation with her” – I kept hearing these comments.

I tried to tell my husband that it was time to start living for myself. But my husband just laughed, assuring me that everything was fine. Later, our conversations turned into full-fledged conflicts. I couldn't understand why my husband didn't see how his dependence on my mother was destroying our relationship. Incidentally, my relationship with my mother-in-law was neutral.

We weren't openly in conflict, but we weren't friends either. I was just angry at her influence on my husband. Even when we celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary, nothing changed. Every time my husband spoke to his mother on the phone, I felt something inside me boil. In his eyes, I saw not only love for my mother-in-law, but also his lack of attention to me. When he needed support, he preferred to call his mother, discussing all the details of our lives with her.

I haven't visited my mother-in-law with my husband for a long time; he goes there alone. Recently, I began to notice that my husband's mother had begun to interfere in our personal matters. You could say that she decided to expand her sphere of influence. Now he has his own ideas about how we should live, what we should buy, and even what kind of friends we should have.

I get angry when I hear my husband discussing things with my mother-in-law that only concern the two of us. I've tried to tell him that this isn't normal. But he doesn't understand me. “You just don't realize how good she is!” my husband says. I feel like I'm losing myself in this fight. Every time my husband mentions my mother, hatred boils inside me.

I can't stand my mother-in-law controlling our lives any longer. I recently decided to sort out our relationship once again…

– Sebastian, I can't live like this anymore. I'm really tired of you putting your mother before our family. – I said, trying to hold back my tears. My husband looked shocked. For a moment I thought he finally heard me, but instead of understanding, he started making excuses.

– But she's my mom! She's always been there for me when I needed support – he said, and I realized that it was over. The conflict between us has only worsened. I feel like my husband's addiction is becoming an obstacle between us.

Every time my husband goes to see his mother-in-law, I'm left alone, and my irritation grows. I don't know what to do in this situation. Maybe if it continues like this (and I'm sure it will), I'll just file for divorce. I only regret the time I wasted.

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