From real life. “My son said he was ashamed of me because I worked as a cleaner”: And I did it to pay for his studies

I can't believe he actually said that.

I'm sitting at the bus stop, my hands in the pockets of my thin jacket, feeling the cold wind pierce my body. The words my son said still ring in my ears – my greatest happiness, my reason for pride. The words that were like a knife stuck in my heart.

– „Mom, I'm ashamed of you. How could you live like this? Working as a cleaner? People see it, and I… I can't come to terms with it.”

I can't believe he actually said that. I looked at him then, trying to find some sign in his face that he was sorry, that it was just a bad joke. But he looked at me with an expression of distaste and disappointment. As if everything I had done for him was worthless.

But I did it for him. For Jacob. My son, my world. When his father left us, I had only one task – to provide him with everything he needed. I was willing to sacrifice my life, my dreams, my dignity, so that he could have a future.
I started working as a cleaner ten years ago, when Jakub was only nine.

It wasn't easy. Every day I got up at five in the morning to make it to the offices, which I cleaned before they opened. Then I came home, prepared dinner, took Jakub to classes, and in the evening I went to clean more places. I came back exhausted, but always with a smile, because I knew I was doing it for him.

I put every penny I earned aside for his future. When he got accepted to college, I felt pride that words can't describe. I was ready to make even more sacrifices, just so he could fulfill his dreams.

But now that he's achieved success, that he's started working for a prestigious company, he's turned his back on me. A few days ago, he invited me to dinner at his new apartment. I was so happy that he wanted to share his life with me. But what I heard there changed everything.

– “Mom, we need to talk,” he began, pouring himself some wine.

– “What's the matter, Jacob?– I asked, feeling slightly uneasy.

– „You know… I understand that you had to work hard to raise me. But now that I'm in this environment… I'm ashamed that people might find out what you did for a living. It might reflect badly on my image.”

His words were like a blow. I tried to smile, believing that I had misunderstood.

– „Jakub, but you know why I did it. It was thanks to this job that I was able to pay for your studies.”

– „I know, Mom. But people won't understand. They think that because you worked as a cleaner, then I'm not the right person to work where I am now.”

I couldn't believe it. Was he really saying that? Was he saying the son I raised with love and dedication was now ashamed of me?

– „Jakub, do you understand what you're saying? Do you really think my work is something to be ashamed of? I did it for you. I sacrificed everything so you could have a future!”

– „Maybe you should have thought about it earlier. Maybe you should have found something more … worthy.”

These words keep ringing in my ears. I don't know what hurt me more – his lack of gratitude or the fact that he doesn't see how much my sacrifice cost him. I'm sitting here, at this bus stop, wondering where I went wrong. Did I love him too much? Was I too naive to believe he would understand my decisions?

Maybe he will never understand. Maybe he will always see me as just a woman who „doesn't fit” into his world. But I know one thing – my love for him was real. Even if it's now a shame he can't accept.

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