From real life. “My husband says I ruined our marriage”: Because I devoted myself too much to my children

Their every need was my priority.

When I married Paweł, I believed that our life would be full of love and mutual support. We were young, in love, ready for a life together.

And then the children came.

From the first moment I held our little one in my arms, everything changed. My world stopped revolving around me or my husband – now it was only them that mattered. Our children.

Their every need was my priority. When they cried at night, I got up to calm them down. When they were sick, I stayed up with them, giving up sleep. When they grew up, I was the one who watched over their homework, developed their passions, fought for their happiness. Paul was always somewhere nearby, but not in the center.

I didn't notice when it started to bother him.

“You always have time for them, but never for me” he threw out one day when I had canceled our dinner yet again because one of the kids was sick.

“Paweł, they're just kids” I replied then, not attaching any importance to his words.

But it wasn't 'just' to him.

With each passing year he became more and more distant. I could feel it, but I didn't have the strength to think about it. There was always something more important – school meetings, illnesses, their first loves, exams.

And then one day he looked at me and said something I'll never forget:

„You're the one who ruined our marriage.”

I froze.

„What?” – I whispered, not believing my ears.

„You devoted yourself to your children so much that I ceased to exist– his voice was cold, full of resentment.

How could he say that? Was I really guilty just because I was a good mother?

„Paweł, they're your children too– I tried to defend myself.

„Yes, but I never stopped being your husband either– he said bitterly. „And you stopped being my wife a long time ago.”

I stopped?

Is it really my fault? Should I have loved our children less, cared less about them?

Today I sit alone in an empty house. The children flew away into the world, and Paweł… he stopped waiting for me a long time ago.

And I ask myself: Can you really be too good a mother and thus become a bad wife?