From real life. “My family turned against me because I refused to help my brother”: Am I selfish?

Until the day I said “no.”

All my life I was the person everyone could count on. My family always knew that if something happened, I would help. I lent money, supported in difficult times, took people in when they had nowhere to go. I never wondered if it was fair. I just believed that family should support each other.

Until the day I said “no”.

My brother, Marek, had always had a weakness for the easy life. He spent more than he earned, was constantly getting into debt, but he always found someone to bail him out. For years, it was me.

When he called this time, his voice was his usual – full of false confidence, but with a hint of desperation.

“Sister, I need to ask you a favor– he began, not waiting for my question. “I have a big problem, I need a loan. Last time, I promise.”

I gritted my teeth. How many times have I heard that??

“Marek, I can't– I said firmly.

“What?” – his tone changed immediately.

“I can't help you,– I repeated, trying to keep my voice steady. “This time you'll have to do it yourself.”

First there was silence. Then laughter – bitter, full of mockery.

„Oh please, I've always been family to you, and now what? You've become selfish?”

Selfish.

For a moment I didn't know what to say. Was I really selfish just because I refused?

The next day the phone rang. Mother.

„Why do you turn your back on your own brother?” – she started right away, without greeting. „He could always count on you.”

„Mom, he's been counting on someone to save him his whole life– I replied in a tired voice.

„But he's your brother!– she exploded.

„And I'm your daughter. Maybe someone will finally think of me?”

Silence.

Then I heard her say, „I'm disappointed in you.”

Soon my sister spoke up. And my cousin. And my aunt. They all blamed me for stopping giving.

And I was left alone.

I had been their help all my life, but when I first refused – I've become a problem.

Am I selfish? Maybe.

But for the first time in a long time I don't feel like an ATM that you can withdraw money from, or like someone whose feelings don't matter.

And if being selfish means I'm finally thinking about myself – then I guess that's a good thing.