From real life. “My daughter-in-law doesn't want me to see my grandchildren”: She thinks I'm a bad influence on them

At first it was fine.

I always dreamed that when I became a grandmother, my grandchildren would be a part of my life. I imagined us spending time together – we bake cakes, I tell them stories from my childhood, and they come running to me with all their worries. When my first grandson, Kacper, was born, I felt that my dreams were starting to come true. But then everything changed.

At first it was good. My son Paweł and his wife, Marta, often visited me with Kacper. We played in the garden together, I went for walks with him, and Marta even asked me for advice on raising him. But over time I noticed that Marta was becoming more and more distant. She started coming less often, and when they did, she avoided talking.

– “Marta, are you okay?” I asked her one day when I noticed she looked nervous.

– ”Yes, everything is okay” she replied, but her tone said something completely different.

A few weeks later I called Paweł to ask when we would see each other again. I was surprised when I heard his answer.

„Mom, Marta thinks Kacper shouldn't spend so much time at your place.”

„What? Why? What did I do wrong?”

– „He says you spoil him too much and confuse his upbringing.”
I was shocked. I spoiled? After all, I was just a grandmother who loved her grandson.

I couldn't understand what could have caused such a reaction.

I tried to talk to Marta. I invited her for coffee to explain the situation.

– „Marta, if I've done something to offend you, please tell me. I just want to see Kacper. I love him with all my heart.”

Marta looked at me coldly.

– „Don't get me wrong, but I have the impression that your parenting methods are… outdated. Kacper comes back from your place and starts questioning our rules. He says that ‚grandmother allows’, and he starts ignoring us.”

– „Marta, but these are just little things. I let him eat an extra cookie or go to bed later, but that doesn't mean I'm questioning your rules.”

– „That's the point. We don't want him to feel like he can get around our rules. That's why we've decided to limit his visits to your place for now.”

Her words were like a knife to the heart. I felt like they were taking something most precious from me.
From that day on, I saw Kacper less and less often. Paweł always made excuses about not having time, and Marta avoided conversations. I felt like I was losing something that was most important to me.

I tried to save the situation – I bought Kacper presents, invited them to dinner, but nothing worked.

One day, when we met for a family dinner, I noticed that Kacper hardly recognized me. He didn't run to me like he used to. Instead, he stayed close to Marta, as if he was afraid to get close to me. It broke my heart.

I began to wonder if Marta was right. Maybe I really was a bad influence on Kacper? Maybe I wasn't the grandmother I should have been? But then again, could love and care be a bad thing? I felt lost, rejected, as if my role in the family had ceased to matter.

Today I see Kacper only from time to time, at larger family gatherings. I try to enjoy every moment, but every minute with him reminds me of how much I've lost. I've come to understand that sometimes the family you love the most can hurt you the most.

I love my grandson and will always wait for him, but the pain this situation has left me with will stay with me forever.

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