From real life. “I lost touch with my children”: Can I still rebuild our bond?

First there was Krzysiek. He left abroad when he was 25, looking for a better job.

I was young when I gave birth to my children, Ania and Krzyś. For years I tried to give them everything that was best – warmth, love, a sense of security. I devoted myself to them completely, putting my dreams aside. But time passed, the children grew up, and I slowly lost the closeness that we once valued so much.

First there was Krzysiek. He went abroad when he was 25, looking for a better job. At first he called regularly, sending photos from new places, telling me about his plans.

But over time the calls became less frequent. He always had some excuse: „Mom, a lot of work,” „Mom, I'm tired today, I'll call tomorrow.” And tomorrow turned into weeks.
Ania stayed in the country, but her life quickly began to pass me by. After the wedding, she focused on her family, children, work. When I tried to invite her for dinner or ask if we could meet, I often heard: „Mom, you know how it is, children, responsibilities… maybe another time.”

I could feel myself slowly becoming distant to them, like they no longer cared. Every phone call was brief, perfunctory. Every conversation seemed more of a formality than a desire for real contact. I began to ask myself, „Where did I go wrong?”

One day, during the holidays, I gathered my courage and brought it up at the dinner table.

– I feel like we’ve grown apart, – I said, looking at them. – Why do we talk so rarely? Why don't we spend time together anymore?

Ania shrugged.

– Mom, we've been calling. You know how it is, life is so fast.

Krzysiek, who happened to fly in for the holidays, added:

– Mom, don't think we've forgotten about you. Everyone simply has their own life.

Their words hurt me more than I could have predicted. How could they say they hadn't forgotten me when I felt more abandoned every day? Was their life really so full that there was no room for me?

After the holidays, I returned to my empty house, feeling the weight of loneliness. I tried to convince myself that I was overreacting, that I should be understanding. But in my heart I felt that I had to change something. I didn't want my relationship with my children to disappear completely.

I started with small steps. I wrote Ania a message, asking her to go out for coffee together. She replied that she would find time next week. We met at a café, where we talked for a long time – about her work, her children, about how hard it is for her to juggle everything.

– Mom, sometimes I feel like I'm not a good enough daughter, – she confessed unexpectedly.

– Ania, don't ever think like that, – I said, taking her hand. – I just want to know that I'm still a part of your life.

Talking to Ania was a step forward, but I knew that Krzysiek required a different approach. I wrote him a long message in which I confessed how much I missed him and how much I wanted to feel that we were close again. He didn’t text me back for a long time, but a few days later he called.

– Mom, I’m sorry, he said. – I think I forgot how much I need you. I promise I’ll try to call more often.

It hasn’t been an easy road. There are still weeks when I wait for a call that doesn’t come. But I know I can’t give up. Rebuilding a bond is a process that takes time and patience. I’ve learned that I have to be open to their lives, but at the same time remind them that my life still exists, – and that I am still their mother who loves them.

Sometimes I look at old photos and think about how close we used to be. But I believe that even though everything changes, love always gives a second chance. I still fight for our bond because I know it's worth it.

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