From life. “On my birthday I found out my mother wanted to give me up for adoption”

I woke up in a good mood this morning.

My birthday was always a day of joy. Ever since I was a child, I loved it when my mother threw me little parties – with balloons, cake and warmth that filled the whole house.

I believed that I was someone special to her, the most important person in her life. But this year everything was going to change. That day I learned the truth that destroyed my world.

In the morning I woke up in a good mood. The phone was ringing non-stop – friends, family, everyone was wishing me well. Mom, as usual, was the first. She came over with a bouquet of flowers and kissed me on the forehead.

– „Happy birthday, my darling girl. I love you more than life itself.”

I smiled, happy. But something in her gaze was different – ​​as if she was hiding a secret that she wanted to but was afraid to confess.

In the afternoon, my aunt, Hela, with whom my mother had always had a complicated relationship, arrived. She was loud, direct, and sometimes said more than she should have. During dinner, she began to reminisce about when I was little.

„I remember when you were born. Your mother was so young, so lost. Sometimes I wonder how she managed.”

– „She did great,– I replied with a smile, glancing at my mother, who suddenly stiffened.

My aunt continued as if she hadn't noticed the tension in the room.

– „No, not right away. After all, for the first few weeks she wasn't even sure if she wanted to keep you.”

Silence fell over the table. I looked at Mom, expecting her to deny it, to say that it was absurd. But she looked down, avoiding my gaze.

– „Mom? What is she talking about?”

Mom took a deep breath, as if gathering a confession she had been holding in for years.

– „It's true. After you were born, I was lost. I thought about giving you up for adoption.”

The words were like a punch in the gut. I felt the world around me begin to shake. How could she? How could she consider giving me, her daughter, to strangers?

– „Why? How could you even think of that?” I asked, tears starting to well up in my eyes.

Mom looked at me with pain.

– „I was young, Ania. Alone, scared. Your father left when he found out I was pregnant. My parents wouldn't help me. I didn't know if I could raise you, if I could give you a good life.”

– „So you just wanted to get rid of me?”

– „No, it's not like that. I really believed that by giving you up for adoption, I was giving you a chance at a better life. But when I first saw you… I couldn't. You were mine, Ania. I knew I had to fight to be a mother to you.”

I couldn't listen any longer. I ran out of the house, feeling my heart break. Everything I knew about my mother, about our relationship, suddenly seemed like a lie. How could she hide something like that my whole life? Did she love me? Or was I just a burden to her that she learned to live with?

I spent the rest of the day walking, trying to understand what had just happened. Images from my childhood flashed through my mind – my mother, who baked me my favorite cake, who sat with me when I had a fever, who taught me how to tie my shoes. Were those moments sincere? Did she really love me or was she just playing the role of a mother?

When I got home, Mom was waiting for me in the living room. Her eyes were red from crying.

– “Ania, please listen to me,” she began, and I sat down across from her, still feeling angry.

– „I know I let you down. I know what I said hurt. But I never, never stopped loving you. You were my hope, my strength. Everything I did in my life, I did for you.”

Her words were sincere, but the pain in my heart still wouldn't go away.

– “Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why am I finding out on my birthday, from my aunt and not from you?”

– “I was scared, Ania. I was scared that you would hate me. That you would think I didn't want you. But you have always been my greatest blessing.”

We talked for a long time that night. Although I felt regret, I understood how difficult it must have been for her to make the decision to keep me. I was her daughter, but she was just a young, confused girl trying to do what was best for me.

It took me weeks to fully process the truth. Our relationship was never the same, but I learned to appreciate her struggle and sacrifice. The truth hurt, but it allowed me to see my mother from a different perspective – as a person who, despite her weaknesses, loved me with all her heart.

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