Environmental Divorce/unsplash
The process of ending a relationship and divorce is always a very painful and difficult process. It doesn't matter if you've been there for a few months or 20 years. However, it can be alleviated by the joint work of both partners.
In a new material on the “Psychological Support” platform, the modern concept of “ecological divorce” is revealed. How to end a relationship as simply and calmly as possible.
If you decide to break up with your partner, there are certain recommendations of psychotherapists how to behave and what to do to facilitate this process:
1. Forget movies, fairy tales, TV series , where people part with a smile on their faces and go their separate ways with understanding. If this is not a complete fiction, then it is a very rare, isolated case.
More often divorce is accompanied by a storm of emotions, tears, accusations, devaluation, as well as insults and humiliation. And everything in the movie related to farewell romance (breakfast, lunch, sex, trip) is something that no one needs . There can be only one conversation: in it, one of the partners will clearly and clearly inform that he is leaving, that he will build another life.
2. If the relationship is not connected by marriage, shared property, joint children, then the faster and clearer the conversation, the less pain it will bring.
3. Of course, you really want to leave beautifully, to say something like “you are beautiful, it's not your fault, but I'm so bad.” This is usually said to reduce the guilt of causing pain to another person. But you should be prepared for the fact that you will not be able to transfer responsibility for your act: you will still be a “scoundrel” and the one who causes suffering.
4. Expecting that they will tell you “well, it happens to everyone, you're not bad, I understand everything” is fooling yourself. Therefore there is no point in dragging out this unpleasant situation, but you just need to take responsibility for taking the initiative in separation.
5. No need to explain the reason to your partneryour act, even if you are strongly asked for it. After all, if you say that everything is “yes” with your partner, then an absolutely reasonable question will arise: why are you leaving? If something is wrong, there is a risk of hearing promises to change in order to save the relationship. This can simply drag out the process of parting and make it even more painful.
Explanations will only bring additional torment to the one from whom they are leaving. At the moment when a person breaks up, she tends to look for the reason within herself anyway. Don't add fuel to the fire by explaining why your relationship didn't work out.
Illustrative photo/unsplash
6. If you find a resource for this, you can simply thank you for all the good and warmth that was in your relationship. If there is no resource, then just announce your decision and go.
7. Divide property transparently and clearly for both parties. In this matter, it is important to put an end to it as soon as possible, so as not to leave the partner with vain hopes for the continuation of the relationship. The sooner you break up, the sooner each of you will recover and start building new relationships.
8. When you keep going back to previous relationships with calls, meeting at restaurants, open questions, then most likely, this relationship is not indifferent to you and is not over for you yet.
9. Change is always scary. You never know what will happen there, in a new life, with a new relationship. No one will give a guarantee that it will be better. But if you understand that there is nothing left in your relationship that pleases and brings pleasure, then you need to move forward or simply in the other direction. There is readiness for change – act.