Why we can react extremely painfully to feedback: pay attention to the reasons

These tips will help you respond to feedback/freepik

Receiving feedback, especially critical feedback, can cause us unpleasant emotions and even pain. This reaction is often the result of “survival strategies” that are formed in childhood.

They help us protect ourselves, but they can also hinder our development and ability to respond adequately to criticism. Let's look at the three main modes of reaction to criticism and what can be done to overcome them. The tips were shared by the Telegram channel “CATBOSS”.

Survival strategies when receiving criticism

“Hypercompensation” mode

In this mode, internal demands on oneself become much higher than external ones. A person strives for an ideal, tries to complete a task at the highest level, which leads to the development of perfectionism. But unfortunately, it can also cause burnout and procrastination due to the fear of not meeting your own high standards.

The “surrender” mode

This mode is characterized by the fact that a person accepts any criticism unconditionally and agrees with everything they are told. In the future, this can lead to the fact that a person begins to behave in accordance with critical remarks, even if they are unfair or unconstructive.

Avoidance mode

Here, a person deliberately avoids situations where he can receive painful feedback. She tries not to enter into discussions that may lead to criticism, so as not to feel discomfort.

How to overcome a negative reaction to criticism?

1. Develop critical thinking

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It is always important to weigh all the reasons and understand whether you really are not performing well enough, or if there are other factors influencing the situation. Critical thinking helps to separate objective criticism from subjective evaluations.

2. Give yourself time to think

When we are criticized, our brain automatically activates defense mechanisms, such as the freeze, run, fight response. To avoid an impulsive reaction, you should give yourself time to calm down and “digest” criticism before reacting.

Take your time with the answer/Freepik photo

3. Practice nonviolent communication

Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg's book “Nonviolent Communication” offers exercises that will help you change your behavior in conflict situations and learn to adequately accept criticism.

4. Seek support

Don't hesitate to seek help from a therapist or join support groups. Discussing your feelings and fears with others can make the process of accepting feedback much easier.

5. Develop self-compassion and self-awareness

Often we are so focused on trying to meet other people's expectations that we stop listening to our own needs and devalue our own emotions and efforts. It is important to learn to be kinder to yourself and to recognize your own feelings and achievements.

Learning to adequately accept criticism is a difficult but necessary process for personal development. It's important to remember that criticism can be a valuable tool for self-improvement if approached with an open mind and willingness to change.