A few months ago, my father, Stanisław, suffered a stroke.
When I was a child, I always felt that my family expected more from me than from others. I was the oldest daughter, the „responsible”. When my parents were working, I took care of my younger brother, Michał. I always tried to be the one who could be counted on. But as I grew older, I started to feel like my needs were somewhere at the very end.
A few months ago, my father, Stanisław, suffered a stroke. His condition wasn't critical, but he required constant care. Michał called me in the middle of the day.
– „We need to talk, Kasia. Dad can't handle it alone. Someone has to take care of him.”
I knew what „someone” meant. It was always me. Michał has a family, a job, a mortgage. His life has always taken precedence over mine, at least in the eyes of our family.
I could hardly hold back my emotions, but this time something inside me snapped.
– „Michał, I can't. I have my own life, my own job. I can't take care of Dad full time.”
There was silence. After a moment, I heard his voice, full of coldness and disappointment.
– “You're selfish, Kasia. You always have been. You only think about yourself.”
Those words were like a blow. Selfish? Me, who had spent my whole life giving up on my own plans to help my family? Me, who had been there for Dad when Mom died, while Michael had avoided difficult conversations and escaped into work? But despite the pain I felt, I knew I had to draw the line.
Dad was important to me, but after years of constantly sacrificing himself for others, I felt like I couldn't live like that anymore. I tried to find another solution – organize a home help, find a center that would provide him with care, but Michał rejected everything.
– „It's your responsibility, Kasia. You don't have children or a family, you have time.”
Those words sent a flood of emotions through me. Was my life really any less valuable just because I hadn’t started a family? Did being single mean my plans and dreams could be ignored?
One evening I went to visit my father. He was sitting in his favorite armchair, staring out the window. He was tired, quiet, but his eyes still held a hint of their old energy.
– „Dad, Michael wants me to take care of you. But I… I don't know if I can do it.”
He looked at me and nodded.
– „Kasia, you've done your whole life for others. You have the right to say 'no'. Michael can do something too.”
These words were like balm to a wound for me. Dad understood, although he didn't have to say more. I knew I wouldn't let him down, but I had to find a way to help him without completely sacrificing myself.
Today, Dad has a nanny who helps him with everyday activities. I visit him regularly, but I haven't taken on all the responsibility, as Michael wanted. Our relationship with my brother is strained – he still thinks I “ran away from my duty”. But I know one thing: sometimes the greatest act of courage is setting boundaries. I'm not selfish. I am a woman who has understood that she cannot please everyone without losing herself.
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