I don't feel like meeting my son-in-law. He's a complete empty person who has ruined our family's nerves.

Taken from real life. "I don't want my son-in-law in my house, but my daughter insists": She says I have to accept him

I decided that he has no right to be in my house. But my daughter felt offended and now she doesn't visit me either. She says that if I don't accept her husband, it means I'm insulting her, because they are family.

My daughter is twenty-four years old and has been married to Arthur for three years, and they dated for three years before that. They met at university and my daughter's mind went blank, she never saw anyone else but him.

I had no positive emotions about Arthur. He wasn't handsome either in face or figure, already with a belly, and his personality was nothing to write home about. He was as lazy as a seal, and impertinent on top of that. Overall, I didn't like him, but I didn't trample on my daughter's first love.

I thought she was a smart girl, she would understand that Arthur was not a good choice. The first few months would pass, the pink glasses would fall off and everything would get better. But the glasses were in no hurry to fall off. My daughter stubbornly chased after her boyfriend. About a year later they broke up, or rather Arthur dumped her. She shed a lot of tears, wanted to quit her studies so as not to see him, refused to eat, disappeared from home for a few days and generally speaking, we wasted a lot of nerves because of this breakup.

When the storm of emotions somehow began to calm down, Arthur reappeared in my daughter's life and proposed that they start everything over. I was ready to chase him out the door with an evil broom, but my daughter threw her arms around his neck. And how many breakups did they have after that? After each one my heart bled and each time I hoped that this was the final end.

Every time, this guy came back. He clearly realized that he would never find someone as naive and loyal as my daughter. When we were getting ready for the wedding, Arthur told me that I had to pay for half of the ceremony they had planned. His parents were paying half, and I was supposed to pay the other half, but that wasn't in my plans. It's a wedding for young people, they wanted it, so let them handle it themselves. They don't have the money? Then you don't have to throw a wedding for the whole neighborhood.

My daughter tried to argue with me about this, and when she realized I wasn't going to change my mind, she said she was ashamed of me. Arthur's parents love him and are willing to pay for the wedding, but I refuse. I had to remind my daughter that I am the only one who is raising her all her life, and his parents have a box full of relatives who will somehow scrape together enough money for their son's whims. I didn't go to the wedding out of principle. I went to the registry office, gave her a bouquet, and then went home.

Later I made up with my daughter, either because she realized what she had said wrong or because someone smart suggested it to her. I wasn't happy about the prospect of living together, but I also understood my daughter's concerns about living with a mother-in-law who was still breathing down Artur's neck.

There was nothing left for me to do but let her live there. I thought we would somehow manage to come to an understanding, but Artur made no attempt to establish a relationship. He acted like a boss in the apartment, and when I asked him for help, he always replied: “What, I have to?”. The main argument was that it wasn't his apartment, he wouldn't do anything here. By nothing, I meant washing dishes, hanging shelves, at least cleaning up after himself. I was angry that when my son-in-law asked why the kitchen was messy again, he used his “I have to clean it or what?” excuse. I told him that he would tell his mother such answers. Beggars don't have servants, so no one has to run after him.

He is a very refined gentleman. You serve him, clean up after him, and he can't even put his socks in the laundry basket, so they're lying by the bathtub until I or my daughter do it. Arthur felt offended, started packing loudly, and my daughter ran around trying to talk him out of it. Then she attacked me to apologize. But there was no apology for a spoiled boy. And so they moved in with their mother-in-law.

Since then, I've set a condition for my daughter – I don't want her husband in my house anymore. Let her come visit without him. There was nothing extraordinary about this request, but she felt offended. She said that she and her husband were family, so they visited together. So if I don't accept it, she won't come either. She didn't even show up at my birthday party, she just congratulated me on the phone.

Of course I didn't expect this from my daughter. I still hope that her eyes will open, but when will that happen?

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Natasha Kumar

By Natasha Kumar

Natasha Kumar has been a reporter on the news desk since 2018. Before that she wrote about young adolescence and family dynamics for Styles and was the legal affairs correspondent for the Metro desk. Before joining The Times Hub, Natasha Kumar worked as a staff writer at the Village Voice and a freelancer for Newsday, The Wall Street Journal, GQ and Mirabella. To get in touch, contact me through my natasha@thetimeshub.in 1-800-268-7116