The people we always look forward to seeing are getting fewer and fewer each year, and that's okay.
When you're young, it can be anyone. As long as it's fun. Then, as we mature, our list of closest people becomes more like a fraction of what it was when we started. And so on until the end, just a friend or a few, children and maybe a few relatives.
A person with age simply begins to value his personal time more. It is difficult for him to devote time to “disposable” colleagues and distant acquaintances. The list of friends in his phone disappears. And in general, priorities change. But this can be especially frustrating for those who did not expect such an approach to themselves.
My husband loves me for being direct, and I hope my son will love me for the same in the future when he grows up. You have to tell the truth more often, even to my face. It doesn't make things worse. That's how I communicated with my husband. You could say he loved me for it.
Even my boss, sometimes through gritted teeth, praises me for being straightforward. It's good that I'm a master of my craft and not easy to replace. So why should I try not to be myself in the workplace? My social circle is also understanding.
I don't have many friends, but they've all been checked hundreds of times. But my mother-in-law doesn't understand this approach at all. She thinks there should be some kind of hierarchy between us because she's older.
I told her: “Mom, it's not that I'm disrespecting you. I just can't stay silent when someone starts embellishing or trivializing something, that's just how I am, try to accept it!” But I don't think I'll ever get any understanding from her.
She's an old-fashioned person who only has one thing on her mind: the most important thing is to look good in people's eyes. Only when I have to communicate with my mother-in-law in some way, my husband sometimes tries to cut me off. I understand the reasons, I understand his concerns. But I'm not rude, I'm not sly, I just express my thoughts, which most often turn out to be right.
Just a little inconvenient for the rest of us. But that's their problem, no, right? We had a case like that once. My mother-in-law kept coming over and trying to teach us common sense. Partly because, in her eyes, a daughter-in-law can't be a normal housewife.
She should have time to work, then work at home, stay with the child, etc. I understand that the most ideal daughter-in-law also has to sacrifice sleep. But that's a text. In return, I started showing my mother-in-law various pieces of wisdom and know-how that I found online. How to do laundry better, how to cook, sew, and so on.
I look at her and her jaw drops. She listens to my stories and simply can't believe what she's heard. By the way, I will never use a light bulb to sew my spouse's socks together, nor will I store raw bones and vegetable scraps in the freezer for future broth.
All this seems too stupid and incompatible with normal existence. My mother-in-law, on the contrary, loves and appreciates such solutions. She listened to me and then said that I could be a really good housewife. So I was tempted to tell her the truth. That all this advice is nothing more than ossified and old methods. I told her the truth, that one must greatly underestimate one's own time to implement such things in life.
In short, my mother-in-law stopped coming to see me and my husband. It would seem that she had no reason to be offended. She had known my character for a long time, she knew that I did not want to offend anyone.
I thought everything was fine between us, but it turned out it wasn't… My husband decided it would be a good idea to go to his mother's, and our son had a front tooth fall out, which made him look funny. I didn't mind, so we got in the car and drove off. A surprise, so to speak. Who knew we wouldn't be welcome there?
My mother-in-law was home, and my sister-in-law's family was also visiting. Everyone was very nicely dressed, smelling nice. We had also prepared, but we didn't expect so many people. My husband tried to joke, saying that we should go to the neighbors for chairs, but my mother-in-law wouldn't listen to anyone.
She sat with our son in her arms for about five minutes, then gave him chocolates and gestured for me to go to the other room. And there, in private, looking me straight in the eye, she told me that it would be better if we came another day of the week. She hadn't expected so many guests. She told us to go to her place.
And I did tell my husband all this. Fifteen minutes later we were driving home. Silently looking at the trees on the sides of the road.
I don't understand how a woman can throw her son and grandson out of her own apartment? Many people? Well, they're all family. So what if they came over uninvited? Again, we're not in the States to do this. We're different. I don't understand her at all, my mother-in-law. I offended her and she took it out on our whole family. It's not nice. And after all this, I'm not going to be quiet around her. She's completely lost my trust. Forever.
Check out: Real Life. “My Mother Still Thinks of Me as a Child”: She Comes to My House and Makes Her Own Rules