I didn't want to push it, so I waited.
I had been counting down the days until my daughter Marta's wedding since she told me about it. I had always dreamed of seeing her in a white dress, happy and in love, starting a new chapter of her life. But with each week of preparations, I felt something was wrong. Marta rarely talked to me about the details, and when I asked if I could help in any way, she brushed me off.
– „Mom, we have everything under control. You don't have to worry.”
I didn’t want to push it, so I waited. I waited for an invitation that never came.
One evening I summoned my courage and called Marta.
– „Sweetie, I was wondering when you’d bring the invitation to the wedding. Maybe I could help with the decorations or the preparations?”
The silence on the other end was long and painful. Finally I heard her voice, but it was cold, like I was talking to a stranger.
– „Mom, we need to talk. It's about the wedding…”
My heart started beating faster. I could feel something was wrong.
– „I don't know how to tell you this, but… we decided not to invite you.”
The words were like a blow. For a moment I thought I had misheard.
– „What? Marta, what are you talking about? How can you not invite your own mother to your wedding?”
Her response was even worse.
– „Mom, please don't be so dramatic. You just don't fit in with the company that's going to be at the wedding. It's nothing personal, but I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable.”
Uncomfortable? Was I that much of a problem to my own daughter? For years I sacrificed everything for her – I worked so she could have a better life, I gave up my own dreams so she could fulfill hers. And now she was telling me that I didn't fit into her new world?
I couldn't answer. There was silence on the line, and then Marta added:
– “I hope you understand. It's my day, mom.”
She hung up before I could say anything. I was left alone, in an empty house, with pain I couldn't describe. My own daughter – the person I would do anything for – had rejected me on the most important day of her life.
On my wedding day, I sat in my room, looking at pictures of Marta from when she was a child. Her smile as she played in the garden, her proud face as she received her certificate with the red stripe. Everything I did was for her. And now I felt like I had lost not only my place at her wedding, but also my place in her life.
After the wedding, I tried to talk to her, but our contacts became less and less frequent. Marta kept saying that it was “her decision” and that “I shouldn't take it so personally”. But how could I not take it personally.? I was her mother, and she showed me that there was no place for me in her world.
Today I am learning to live with this wound. I don't know if I will ever understand why she rejected me. But I know one thing ” a mother's love knows no bounds, even if she is rejected. Maybe one day Marta will understand this. Maybe one day she will look at me differently. But until then I must learn to live with the void she has left in my heart.
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