“I was drinking to numb my brain, it was a way of letting myself die”

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testimony On Monday, Aurore, a 31-year-old Parisian, spoke widely on Twitter about her ten years of alcoholism, with several supporting photos < p>”I was drinking to numb my brain, it”s a way to let myself die”

Aurore, 31, sipping a glass of white wine on a terrace in Paris. — Aurore D

  • On Monday, Aurore, a 31-year-old Parisian, posted on Twitter several photos of herself in a context of heavy alcoholism. By wanting to alert Internet users to the dangers of alcohol, she created a buzz.
  • For more than ten years, Aurore has suffered from a heavy addiction to alcohol that has eaten away at her from the inside. Her daily life is punctuated by pints at the PMU in her neighborhood.
  • Today, Aurore wants to draw a line under her life as an alcoholic. She tells 20 Minuteshis descent into hell, his suicide attempt or his first drunk.

“Voil” it’s like alcohol when you’re unable to control yourself, you never stop as long as you’re breathing, you go on and on. It’s ugly.” Aurore, 31, did not think she would reach so many people after posting a few photos “at“” snatch it” on Twitter. Pints ​​of blonde at the PMU, “pochtron” friends, uncontrolled laughter, injuries, bruises. Thanks to; her tweets, the Parisian wanted to give an overview of her daily life and “the reality” and the dangers of alcohol.” His few posts have since accumulated nearly 1.5 million views.

And behind her smiling selfies hides a much deeper and more intimate malaise. “When I was drinking, I wanted to numb the brain, numb the body. I wanted to forget my problems. I wanted to disappear. 11 a.m.

Aurore, apparently, is the friend in the evening who “always ends up at a party. two fingers from the coma.” “I look good, I am sociable, I have good skin, not to brag,” she slips. However, the young woman spends her life in “the most rotten bars possible” and PMUs. Often, from 11 a.m., beer at hand and cigarette in mouth, she gets drunk to forget “her past; and his desperation.” At PMU, she feels at home there. Along with her “pochtron friends”, Aurore is what is commonly referred to as a bar pillar. “The stronger the bar, the better. There, I feel close to the people,” she explains. With them, she is not alone. Because, if the addiction isolates in many cases, Aurore maintains a large circle of friends, beyond even walls of PMUs. But “it’s really unhealthy after all””” the reasons for drinking always come together.

 “I was drinking to numb my brain, it”s a way of letting myself die”

Aurore's body was regularly covered with bruises. – Aurora D

His relatives do not notice his dangerous behavior. “In addition, I had developed manipulation techniques to hide my alcoholism from them. I drank a few beers at home before going out to see my friends. I pretended I was going home but in fact I was going to the PMU… ”

“I jumped; from the fourth floor”

If Aurore has hidden his addiction to; loved ones, it also took her many years to become aware of it herself. It’s precisely in 2013 that everything changed. for the thirties. Aged then 21, Aurore, already in depression, was stuck in a toxic romantic relationship. With her ex, she juggled between alcohol and cocaïne. “One evening, after 48 hours at drink vodka and Putting on the tracks without drinking a drop of water or eating anything, I started walking. his window of my ex’s apartment, I said to him, ''Listen, I can't take it anymore, I'm going to jump. And I jumped from the fourth floor.”

This suicide attempt will leave an indelible mark, physical and psychological. The aftermath of his fall will cause him to lose his job as a photographer, his job as “dream”. Unemployed, she had to present his entire days to get drunk.

“Arrested for drunkenness on the public highway noon”

For many years, his weeks were moreover summed up in ça. “I’ve already been arrested for drunkenness on the public highway at noon”, she details to support her remarks. Over time, her “beautiful” skin is bruised. “I was always kicking my ass (sic) in fact”, exclaims Aurore, before illustrating her remarks with a photo” slippery that she “had the body of a battered woman” “I was always filled with bruises more or less old. For ten years, I’ve hidden my legs.”

“Alcohol helps me to make friends with me and will never leave me: that”s what Aurore said to herself during her first drunken evenings. Her first binge, she got to know her. 13 years. On June 21, at; On the occasion of the Music Festival, she and her friends shared a bottle of vodka. “I can’t say how I did, but I drank more than half of it. out of the bottle in about ten minutes”, recalls the 30-year-old. And, as you might expect, the schoolgirl’s young body didn’t appreciate it at all. such a quantity strong alcohol. “Well, I vomited all night,” sighs Aurore. But this first contact with alcohol will not disgust her. On the contrary.

As a teenager, bullying at school and malaise plunged her into clinical depression that would haunt her for many years. To forget her problems but also to “do like everyone else”, the young adult continues to test the limits of her body. She is getting drunk and thinks she feels better and better…

“”I thought I was going to die”

Ten years later, one summer evening last, too alcoholic, she will lose track of the evening and the events. Her memory will come back to her as a stranger strangles and rapes her. “I thought I was going to die,” Complaint for rape in stride. This attack of unprecedented violence traumatizes Aurore and causes a click. “I was like, 'Look at you? 30 years old, you just suffered a rape, do you want the next ten years to be filled with drama?''… Then I saw my friends having projects, founding families, getting married. While I was there. in my studio, just outside booze all day.”

Our report on alcoholism

Today, Aurore is in rehab at the hospital. Toulouse, the where she has been living for some time. After a first attempt at weaning after her mother’s heart attack in 2018, the 30-year-old hopes that this one will be the right one. To help him in his fight, she also goes to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. “I admit, I had drunk a glass of red wine before going in. It takes courage to walk through the door. But çit has been ultra-beneficial for me, ça finalized it clicks,” confides the one who has been abstinent for more than fifty days.