My mother is a dictator who simultaneously believes that her word should be the final word and that everyone else should bow their heads and obey.
With my dad, these maneuvers worked well, but with my brother and me, since we were teenagers, they didn't. But the fact that we don’t respond to our mother’s ultimatums has never stopped her from using them.
The last one was six months ago when my brother got married. My mother didn’t like her daughter-in-law, she said that as long as my brother was married to “that one,” she wouldn’t communicate with him.
In our family, Mom is a little dictator. Dad long ago chose a line of behavior that boils down to going with the flow, periodically saying “yes, honey, you’re right, honey.” My brother and I, on the other hand, were still silent and obedient as children, and starting in our teens, we either pretended to be obedient or got into a heated confrontation with our mother.
My mother is all about creating conflicts, but she has never been able to back down or, oh my, apologize. She will apologize a hundred times for what she has done and said, but she will stick to her guns until it melts. For example, she didn't go to my final interview, graduation, or graduation ceremony. The reason was the dress I had chosen for graduation. My mother didn't like it, she wouldn't buy it, so I went and begged my father and grandmother for money, and then I bought it for myself.
My mother was furious. She said that if I didn't go and return it to her store, she wouldn't set foot in the ceremony. I didn't return the dress, and my mother didn't come. She regretted it then, and I know for a fact that she still does. My brother also decided not to follow his father's path in life, and he doesn't submit to his mother. He submits to her in some minor matters, but he decides something important.
For example, my brother has known his fiancée for ten years, and they have been dating for three years, and my mother did not know about it. We tried not to let her in on our personal lives at all, so everyone felt more comfortable. But my brother decided to get married, and it was no longer a case where my mother could remain in the dark. He brought his fiancée home, introduced her, announced that they had filed an application at the registry office and would soon become husband and wife.
My mother tactfully waited until her brother had taken his beloved away, and then made a big scandal out of it. She shouted that her son would only marry such a girl over her dead body, and if he dared to go against her will, she would not contact him until he came to his senses and left his wife. Of course, my mother did not go to the wedding, my brother stood on his head and said that it was his life and he never asked my mother who he could marry and who he could not. And if my mother asked the question in this way, then it was her personal choice.
She would send her an invitation to the wedding and that would be her business. I was the only person from our family at the wedding. My mother didn't go out of principle, and my father stayed with my mother out of solidarity, because a wedding is a wedding and he has to live with this woman. It's been half a year since the wedding, and my mother still hasn't contacted my brother. She said that it would be like this until he leaves his wife, who did something she didn't like.
By the way, we still don't know what my mother means exactly. My mother's vague statement “well, I see she's not right for him” doesn't explain the situation very well. My father communicates with his brother secretly, without my mother's knowledge, and I do the same, but openly. My brother is waiting for my mother to admit she was wrong. He also has my mother's stupid nature. But my brother will be a father in seven months, and my parents will be grandparents.
Now I wonder if my mother will change her stance or if she will continue to stand her ground.
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