A few months earlier, my mother had called me crying.
I was looking at the clock, the hands of which seemed to move endlessly. My husband, Krzysztof, had packed his things and left a week ago, and I still couldn't believe that this was happening. Just a few months ago I was a happy wife, but now I was lonely, overwhelmed by problems that fell on me like an avalanche. And it all started with my mother.
A few months earlier, my mother had called me in tears. The diagnosis was an advanced neurological disease. She was terrified, and I knew there was no one who could take care of her. Her father had died years ago, and I was her only support. I didn't hesitate for long. Krzysztof was initially against it, but eventually he agreed to let my mother live with us.
„It's going to be hard, Ania. But she's your mother, we have to help her– he said, although I could sense reluctance in his voice.
Mom moved into our small house and from the first day our lives changed forever. Taking care of her required sacrifice. There were days when I had to get up at night to help her out of bed. Krzysztof was increasingly withdrawing, spending his evenings at work, and our conversations became cold and tense.
One day, after a particularly difficult week, Krzysztof exploded.
– „This is all destroying us, Ania. We have no life anymore. You devote all your time to your mother, and I… I don't even know if we're married anymore.”
– „It's my mother, Krzysiek! I can't leave her alone! She needs me!” – I tried to explain, but I could see he wasn't getting it.
– „And me? Do I matter to you at all? Have you ever asked yourself what I need?”
At that time I still believed that it was only temporary. That Krzysztof would come to terms with it, that he would understand. But with each passing day he was drifting further and further away. He started coming home late, avoiding conversations. And then I discovered the truth.
I found a message on his phone. „I can't pretend anymore. I need you. Anka doesn't understand anything anymore.” Writing this broke my heart, but I had to know. When I confronted him about it, he didn't deny it.
– „Yes, I'm seeing someone. But it didn't start by accident. Ania, you pushed me away. Everything you do revolves around your mother.”
These words were like a knife to the heart. How could he? Did he really forget so quickly about what we went through?
– „So instead of talking to me, you decided to betray me? Krzysiek, she's my mother. Sick, defenseless. And you left for her because I didn't want to leave someone who needed me?”
He didn't answer. He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come. And then, he just left.
Today I sit next to my mother, who doesn't understand what happened. Every smile she gives me reminds me why I decided to help her. But every time I look at Krzysztof's empty chair, I feel like something inside me has died. My loyalty to my mother ruined my marriage. And yet, I can't regret my decision. Maybe it's because I know that one day, when I look in the mirror, I'll be able to say that I did what was right. Even if the price was loneliness.
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