I didn't invite him in.
The door opened suddenly, and behind it stood – Marek. The face I knew better than my own was now a shadow of memories. Gaunt, hunched, with a pleading look in his eyes. He looked like someone who had lost everything. And yet, despite the pitiful sight, my heart beat faster – not from longing, but from anger I had held inside for ten years.
– „Ania, I need to talk to you– he said, his voice quiet, almost inaudible.
I didn't invite him in. He stood on the threshold, soaking wet from the rain that was beating on the roof. This place – my home, my space – was the only thing I managed to build after he left me. And now he dared to come back here?
– „Marek. After all these years? What do you want from me?”
Ten years ago, my life fell apart in an instant. Marek disappeared without a word, leaving me alone with bills, a mortgage, and a thousand unanswered questions. The police said it wasn't a crime – adults can decide about their own lives. But I couldn't accept it. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and I kept waiting, believing he'd come back.
Finally, I had to stop waiting. I learned to live on my own. Every penny I earned, every evening in an empty house was a reminder that I was in this world just for myself. I built something out of nothing – not without pain, but with the determination that I would never let anyone hurt me like that again.
– „I don't know what to tell you. I have nothing, Ania. I've lost everything– Marek confessed, his voice trembling.
I didn't take a step toward him. I stood in the doorway, looking at the man I had once loved, who was now a stranger to me.
– „You lost everything? Marek, you did the same to me. So many years ago you left me with nothing. Why are you coming back now?”
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
– „I made a mistake. I went after something that seemed better to me… another woman. But she left me. Everything fell apart. I lost my home, my job… Please, Ania, help me. I have no one.”
These words were like a knife. In one moment, all those years of pain, regret, and loneliness came back with full force. He left me for someone else. And for so long I believed that I had done something wrong. That maybe it was my fault. How could I have been so blind?
– „Help you? Marek, do you even hear what you're saying? You left me with nothing. And now that you have nowhere to go, you come to me?!”
He stood there, wet and resigned, like someone who has run out of options. I saw something in his eyes I'd never seen before – fear. Perhaps for the first time in his life he truly understood what it meant to be alone. But that didn't mean he deserved my pity.
– “Ania, please…”
I took a deep breath, trying to control the tremor in my voice.
– “I don't know if I can forgive you. I don't know if I want to have anything to do with you. But I'll give you one night. You can sleep in the living room, and in the morning you have to leave.”
I don't know why I said it. Maybe it was because, despite everything he'd done, I couldn't leave a man out in the rain. Maybe because deep down I still wanted to close this chapter with some dignity.
Now he sits in the living room, and I'm in the bedroom, trying to understand what he's feeling. Anger? Sorrow? Pity?
One thing I know for sure – Marek will never be a part of my life again. But I? I have to find a way to feel alive again, to feel like I'm more than a shadow of my past.
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