My son Szymon is 12. And you know, if someone had told me ten years ago that I would think about giving my child to his father, I would never have believed such nonsense.
But now… now I feel like I'm just drowning. Szymon has become uncontrollable. Once he was a normal, ordinary boy: he played with cars, drew, and was the favorite of his teachers in kindergarten. And then came school, lessons, friends from the playground. And it all began…
My son argues with me about every little thing, fights at school, brings home something that belongs to someone else, and then it turns out it was theft, not “playing”. Constant phone calls from the social worker and the teacher do not make me optimistic.
I am divorced from my husband. My mother practically does not help. She only reproaches me and gives me “priceless” advice. We live near each other and sometimes she drops by in the evenings for a moment, so the boy is completely and totally dependent on me. I curse, cry, I even tried to deprive him of his pocket money, but nothing helps. Szymon looks at me with impudent eyes and smiles as if he knows it is nothing serious.
The other day we had another scandal. I found someone else's smartphone in my son's briefcase. First he brazenly lied that he found it, and then, under my pressure, he admitted that he stole it. I told him to go to school tomorrow, return the phone, and apologize to its owner. When my son announced that he wouldn't go and that was it, something inside me broke.
I couldn't stand it any longer and burst into tears, and my son went to his room as if nothing had happened. The next day I called his father:
-I'm calling about Szymon. I can't cope with him. He's become a stranger, he's rude, he steals. Maybe you should take him in for a while? Male upbringing will help him. I'm afraid he'll grow up to be a bad person.
Krzysiek was silent. Then he sighed:
-Kasia, you know I'm not very comfortable right now. I work late, I don't have time to raise him.
My ex-husband didn't say anything sensible. He only promised to think about it. And my mother… the conversation with her was even worse. She came to me in the evening, as if she sensed that I was up to something.
-Kasia, are you completely crazy?! – she screamed when I told her I wanted to give Szymon back to his father. – How can you think of something like that?
-Mom, I can't handle it. I'm alone, I don't have the strength…
-You can't handle it?! You gave birth, so you have to raise him. Where do you see a mother abandoning her child?
-Mom, you helped once? You only criticize! – I worked! And you were on maternity leave. You were only ever good at sticking your tongue out!
I was furious. No husband, no mother, no friends! All alone! My mother looked at me with such condemnation that I felt like a total rag. I left the room in silence. Her words echoed in my head. I sat down in the kitchen and thought: maybe I really am a bad mother? Maybe it's my fault that Szymon became like this? But then again… I'm only human.
I'm tired of being both a mother and a father. I'm tired of carrying everything on my shoulders. Yes, I'm a mother, but is Krzysiek a father too? Why do I have to take care of them both?
Since that day, Szymon has spent most of his time in his room and hasn't spoken to me. I look at my phone and wait for Krzysiek to call. I decided to call myself if my ex-husband doesn't show up soon. What if he agrees? Will I still have to cope on my own?
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