I used to think I raised my daughter well. But now I have doubts.

Real-life. "You have a big pension": My daughter regularly nags me, demanding expensive gifts for my grandchildren

As soon as I retired, Ela started looking into my wallet. First, she asked how much I was getting now. I receive a regular pension, and this year I also managed to recruit students for tutoring. I work in a nice room where I am my own boss.

The schedule is not too tight – my age is already visible. And I do not want to tear my life apart like I used to. Retirement has shown me that I have to value my health. I also help my daughter's family, but in moderation. I consider it my duty. I bring them food from the market, take them to the circus or water park.

Their parents rarely take them for a walk or for fun, considering it a waste of money. And I want to give my grandchildren some happy moments. Apparently, my daughter and son-in-law decided to play on my feelings. Ela has become completely impudent. Every time she comes to visit, she starts crying about her sad financial situation. I pretend to be shortsighted and not read her directions. I sighed sadly and agreed that the prices are really high now.

Ela realized that this was not the way to reach me and decided to approach me from a different angle – to play on my love for my grandchildren.

– Ignaś has a birthday next month — my daughter reminded me. – He told me he wanted a new phone. He chose the newest model…

I raised an eyebrow, indicating that I was surprised by the request. After all, just a month ago my daughter had said that their family was in savings mode — saving for a vacation. They want to fly closer to the sea for a whole month.

– Igor and I can't fulfill that request — Ela said sadly — and we don't want to get into debt.

I continued drinking my tea, wondering when I would hear that precious sentence.

– Don't you want to please your grandson a little and give him this phone? – said Ela finally, losing patience. – This will be a real birthday for him.

– I'm sorry, but I can't afford such expenses – I answered honestly. – Children that age don't know how to appreciate things yet.

– But you have a big pension! – my daughter attacked me. – You could help us a little, you wouldn't go bankrupt.
Ela started to insist that now the child would be left without a birthday present, would be very sad and would cry.

– Do you even have a heart? – she shouted when I refused her again. – You don't want to make your grandson happy!
I'm just outraged, I can't do that! It was as if I had signed a contract that I would support my daughter's family for the rest of my life. I reminded her that I wasn't sitting here with a pile of money and it didn't fall from the sky.
Last weekend I took my grandchildren on a boat trip. I spent my entire pension on them in two days and didn't take a penny from their parents. The children were absolutely delighted and shared their impressions with each other. To which my daughter just snorted.

– You offered to make them happy, but you didn't ask for a refund, she replied. – And generally speaking, as a grandmother, you're just obligated to spoil them!

My daughter ran home, seething with rage. She even left her gloves on my hall table. And I'm not even ashamed of my refusal. I think Ela doesn't feel the line between helping and extorting money from people.

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Natasha Kumar

By Natasha Kumar

Natasha Kumar has been a reporter on the news desk since 2018. Before that she wrote about young adolescence and family dynamics for Styles and was the legal affairs correspondent for the Metro desk. Before joining The Times Hub, Natasha Kumar worked as a staff writer at the Village Voice and a freelancer for Newsday, The Wall Street Journal, GQ and Mirabella. To get in touch, contact me through my natasha@thetimeshub.in 1-800-268-7116