I raised my son in a home where cleanliness and order were essential.
I was sitting in the kitchen, looking at the sink full of dirty dishes. On the table were the leftovers from the dinner I had cooked a few hours earlier. The house was a mess, and I couldn't understand one thing – how could my daughter-in-law be so indifferent to this chaos?
I raised my son in a home where cleanliness and order were essential. And now? Now I watch him live with a woman who doesn't seem to notice that everything around him needs work.
When I came to stay with them a few weeks ago, I didn't expect to stay this long.
My son, Piotr, called and asked me to help them with their grandson, because my daughter-in-law – Magda – had a lot of work. I agreed, because I always put family first. But I quickly noticed that Magda had her own definition of “work”.
In the mornings, she would leave with her laptop in her hand, only throwing a quick “Thanks for being here” in my direction. She would come back in the evening tired and lock herself in her room to “finish her reports”. In the meantime, I would cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of my grandson. Piotr tried to calm me down.
– „Mom, Magda works really hard. Give her some slack.”
But I couldn't understand it. How can you be so indifferent to what's going on at home?
Is it really that hard to cook dinner or clean up before you go back to work? I couldn't stand it anymore, so one evening I decided to talk to Magda.
– „Magda, we need to talk– I began as she sat down at the table with a cup of tea.
She looked at me with tired eyes, as if she already knew what I wanted to say.
„Please don't start about cleaning– she interrupted me before I could open my mouth.
„And why not? Magda, this house looks like it's been through a hurricane. Piotr works, I take care of my grandson and the whole house, and you… you're not even trying to help me!”
Magda sighed and looked down. There was silence for a moment, then she spoke in a calm but firm voice:
– „Mrs. Helena, I respect your help, I really do. But I work two jobs so we can pay off the mortgage and provide our child with a better future. I know the house isn't perfect, but… I do what I can. Maybe not the way you'd like it to be, but I really try.”
Her words hit me like a bolt of lightning. Is it possible that I misjudged her? I looked at her and noticed for the first time how tired she was. Her face was pale, and there were shadows under her eyes that spoke of sleepless nights. I realized that her „laziness” It wasn't out of indifference, but a struggle I hadn't seen. A struggle to provide my grandson with a future I'd never had to fear.
– “I didn't know it was this hard,” I said quietly.
Magda smiled faintly.
– “I know you'd like everything to be like it used to be, but the world has changed. Now we both have to work to support the family. I believe that together we will do it.”
That night I thought about her words for a long time. I realized that my expectations were rooted in a different reality, in a time when families could afford to live on one salary. Magda lived in a completely different world. I decided that instead of judging her, I would try to support her. Because family is not only order in the house, but above all mutual understanding.
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