How annoying is my husband's attitude towards our child? He doesn't want to take care of his son at all.
He found a funny excuse, saying that no one taught him anything as a child, and when it became necessary, he taught himself. So our son should probably live by the same principle. There is a difference though — my husband grew up in a dysfunctional family where his father's priority was the bottle, what was wrong with my husband?
I knew that my husband's childhood and youth were difficult. His parents were under constant control of addiction and were constantly drunk. No one took care of the child. According to all the laws, they should have been stripped of their parental rights and the boy should have been sent to an orphanage, but for some reason that didn't happen.
My husband grew up like a weed. He was fed by friends, classmates, and neighbors, and at the age of fifteen he started working part-time as a loader, janitor, or something else, got a secondary special education, served in the army, and then returned and started living a normal life. By the time we met, his parents were already dead.
He sold their apartment and bought another one. I moved there after he proposed marriage. I have a lot of respect for this man. He built himself. He can do a lot of things with his own hands, he did almost all the repairs in the house himself, and he did it no worse than a professional.
He never raised his voice at me, he is very caring and gentle in relationships. After all, he could follow in the footsteps of his parents or some other crooked path. But my husband has a very strong spirit. We lived together for two years, heart to heart, and there was no reason to argue. Both my husband and I are non-confrontational people. And then I got pregnant. My husband behaved as a happy future father should behave.
He protected me, enthusiastically chose the name of the unborn child, went with me to the ultrasound and supported and protected me in every way. When our son was born, my husband even cried when he was discharged from the hospital. For the first year, I didn't complain. My husband helped with the baby, played with him after work, bathed him, took him for walks, as he should have. But the older his son got, the less attention his father paid him.
He didn't push him away, but he didn't show him the same care he did at first. I put up with it, but recently I couldn't stand it anymore. My son is six now. He's very drawn to his father, he likes spending time with him, especially when he's fixing something or just doing something manual. Another father would take advantage of the child's interest and teach him something, but ours just growls and whines when he's interrupted.
I complained to my mother about my husband's behavior, and she said that he simply didn't have a normal fatherly example, so he didn't know how to behave. She advised me not to make a scandal, but to somehow direct, push, and tell my husband how and what to do. I tried to put my mother's advice into practice, but it didn't help. My husband stubbornly refused to work with the child.
I lost my patience and without hesitation decided to talk to him, because it is not right for the child to grow up as an orphan with a living father. Of course I am there for him, but I am a mother and I cannot take over the role of a father, even if I wanted to. My husband listened to me, and then he said that in his time no one taught him anything. He grew up, understood what he needed and taught himself. How can we even compare these situations? You could say that this man's parents never existed, while our son, thank God, has both a mother and a father. So why not teach him anything and wait for him to learn by himself?
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